How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
His nipple licking is glorious
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