I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
