I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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