I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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