Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
