Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
