Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I need to calm my uterus...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
