I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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