Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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