...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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