Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
His nipple licking is glorious
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