from now on my penis is your penis
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
