He had one of those small greek statue penises
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
