I wanna passion pit in your ass
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
