I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
