Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
