dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
