oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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