Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
