I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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