im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
