On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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