Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
