um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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