I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
