Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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