why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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