When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize