seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
