Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
