I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
