I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You ate ashes out of my bong
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
