I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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