The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
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