Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Randomize
