Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
