he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
