This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize