hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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