You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize