As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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