You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
