I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
