Will you blow on my dice?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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