my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
