Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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