i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize