New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
