Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
