Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
