I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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