We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
