i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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