I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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