if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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