there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize