Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
