btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
