the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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