Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
