eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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