just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
