We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
