My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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