What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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