Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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