We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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