someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
