I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
