You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
