I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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