Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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