farters have to be the big spoon...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Your penis caused this!
Randomize