he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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